Sunday, March 19, 2006

A Pamphlet For Modern Living

Turn up the blaring TV screen
And bask in the quiet of the din.
Sleep often and forget the dreams
You’ve hidden all your worries in.

While showering, turn up the heat
And hum a bland repeating song.
Please move by rote - keep up the beat.
Try not dwell, and you can’t go wrong.

For lengthy thinking is the bait
That modern workers must avoid.
Every sense you must satiate,
And there is much you can employ.

Ocean noises are a must
(electronic or otherwise).
City noises can adjust
For thoughts that fear and sympathize.

Scented candles: use with care
to fill the nose and empty brains.
Pangs of love can be repaired
With faster cars and faster trains.

Now in your hands are all the means
To free your mind from human sin.
Sleep often and forget the dreams
You’ve hidden all your worries in.


Anonymous
3/19/2006
11:31:36 PM

6 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Specific edits appreciated.

3/19/2006 11:43:00 PM  
Blogger Swales said...

The rhythm of stanza #4 is very off, and it lacks the relatively concrete language of the rest of the poem. The poem works just as well with that stanza omitted, which is my only suggestion in an excellent work of rhyme reflecting the tragedy of modern American society.

3/20/2006 04:03:00 PM  
Blogger TintedFragipan said...

As per usual, I'll point out my favorite line: "With faster cars and faster trains."

Love.


I don't like the "and" in the 8th line. It flows better without it.

3/20/2006 06:24:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Possible corrections (your vote counts):

Line 8:
"Try not dwell, you can’t go wrong."
"To those who dwell: You don't belong."
"Those who dwell just don't belong."

Stanza 4:
"Beeping tones and flashing screens
Will often put the mind to ease
And steal from dull men all the means
To spread the evil mind disease"

a bit much I think...I could just cut it...

3/21/2006 06:29:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Or one of these. Hm...

"Electronics are a must,
Like beeping tones and flashing screens.
Endless clicking can adjust
Your fears and put the mind to ease"

"Happy workers Supersize-
That tasty pastime of mankind.
While exercises exorcize
The demon thoughts dwelled in your mind."

3/21/2006 08:38:00 PM  
Blogger TintedFragipan said...

Past tense of "to dwell" is "dwelt" I think.

3/21/2006 10:27:00 PM  

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