I Refuse to Write Another Poem for Him
Florida gave me orange blossoms
(I am almost over him)
(but when he tried to speak to me today
I had to end the
conversation quickly
before I started getting throatclogged heartchoked achingeyed)
Florida gave me orange blossoms
And when Summer stole upon-
(I will be over him soon)
(I will be over the way his ear curves unevenly)
(I will be over the way his voice echoes in my own ears)
(Florida gave me orange blossoms)
I don't remember what he said
but it sounded low and soothing
like a smooth bow drawing across the lowest strings
and clear September breezes
(I am almost over him)
I will be over the way
his fingers curve around a pen
I will be over his laugh like June
and his slow August smile
I will be over the the kindness in his eyes
and the way his ear curves unevenly
(Florida gave me orange blossoms).
Anonymous
4/01/2006
03:11:01 PM
Florida gave me orange blossoms
(I am almost over him)
(but when he tried to speak to me today
I had to end the
conversation quickly
before I started getting throatclogged heartchoked achingeyed)
Florida gave me orange blossoms
And when Summer stole upon-
(I will be over him soon)
(I will be over the way his ear curves unevenly)
(I will be over the way his voice echoes in my own ears)
(Florida gave me orange blossoms)
I don't remember what he said
but it sounded low and soothing
like a smooth bow drawing across the lowest strings
and clear September breezes
(I am almost over him)
I will be over the way
his fingers curve around a pen
I will be over his laugh like June
and his slow August smile
I will be over the the kindness in his eyes
and the way his ear curves unevenly
(Florida gave me orange blossoms).
Anonymous
4/01/2006
03:11:01 PM
4 Comments:
Eee, some of the imagery felt awk to me. The uneven curve of an ear? I couldn't -relate- you know, I couldn't really see it. Maybe a metaphor or a simile? I mean, if that's what turns you on, or whatever, but I didn't get it.
My favorite line was "his August smile" because of the double meaning of "August" and the theme of summer.
The connectedwords part was okay too. it definitely fit with the subject matter and the pacing.
eh.
I loved it-- especially the way that the parenthesis and their connection with the line "Florida gave me orange blossoms" changes throughout the poem. I'm a sucker for language conventions or punctuation that changes as a poem progresses.
Also, the title seems very appropriate for the subject matter and sets the right mood. Very, very nicely done.
I enjoyed it on enough levels that I'll just put a grin in place of comments that have already been said.
:)
post more.
Wow. I don't know how to thank all of you for your comments. I have posted poetry previously, but your last sentence, Maverick, was a high compliment indeed, as was, well, the entirety of SW's post. And TF, your comment I appreciate above all for its criticism.
Thanks. A lot.
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